If you’re sitting down with your key people each week only to find that 40 minutes later they walk out of the room and the only thing you’ve spoken about is that week’s issues, no conversation about feedback, no conversation about development, no conversation about how that person is really doing, then you are not having a one to one. You’re having an operational meeting with a cup of coffee, and you’re robbing that person of the biggest opportunity that you have to help them develop and step up.

Are You Really Having the Right Conversations?

Most business owners believe that they are having the right conversations in their one to ones with their key team members. Oh my sweet summer child.

But if you are talking about customers, talking about suppliers, talking about day to day issues, you aren’t having the conversation that you should be having. And the real issue with that is that those are conversations that you could have, or should have, in a team meeting or just standing next to that person’s desk.

Your one to ones are sacred. It’s the opportunity that you have to block all of the noise, all of the firefighting, all of the day to day issues, and really take the time to have a conversation about the person in front of you, to understand how they are really doing. An opportunity for you to get proper feedback from them on how you can support them better. An opportunity for you to give them proper feedback. And an opportunity for you to talk about them and their development goals.

The issue that you will always have is that the day to day issues will always suck up the time and the space. And if you allow them to creep into your one to one, game over. You’re not having the right conversations that you need to have.

A Real Example: When a Difficult One to One Is Actually a Win

I had a client that was in a very similar position to what I just explained. He wasn’t really having one to ones with his team members, he was talking about jobs and work in the one to ones, and he didn’t really realise it until I started working with him. Then we put a proper one to one structure in place, proper preparation, and off he went.

I remember checking in with him shortly after we had put this in place and I asked him how the one to ones were going. He said: “Well, actually, I’m not very happy. I just had an awful one to one with somebody. They told me that they didn’t feel valued, that they didn’t feel that I recognised their achievements in the business, and they were really demotivated.”

My client was really bummed out about this. And I said to him: “Look, I don’t know why you’re so upset. You should be celebrating this. You should be really grateful that you had a proper one to one, because if you didn’t, the consequence would have been that that person would never have shared how they truly felt. You would never have known how they feel and you wouldn’t have been able to do something about it.”

Why a Difficult One to One Is Better Than No One to One

As it turns out, that one to one gave my client the space to put things right, to have a proper conversation, and that person walked out feeling okay. That is the purpose of a one to one. It’s not about the day to day stuff. It is about really taking the time to have those conversations that would never ordinarily happen.

For more on how to structure conversations that actually move your people and your business forward, visit marcosoares.co.uk and explore the full library of business insights.

How to Reset Your One to Ones, Starting Now!

So, if you know this is happening in your business, what are you going to do about it?

Step One: Have a Reset

Have you tried turning it off and on again? Get all of your key people together and explain that moving forward the business is no longer going to have operational conversations in one to ones. What you need to do is help everybody understand what the true purpose of a one to one is.

It’s about making sure that there is time to have proper conversations about the person and their role. It’s a time to have development conversations about how that person is doing in terms of their goals. And it’s an opportunity to get feedback and to deliver feedback. The one to ones should be person-centred, not about the work, not about the issues, not about the firefighting.

Step Two: Put Proper Preparation in Place

If people are just coming into a one to one cold, they’re going to talk about what’s top of mind, which is likely to be the day to day issues. Put something in place where they take the time to think through how things are going, where they reflect on the things that are going well, where they reflect on some of the key challenges and the root causes of those challenges, where they reflect on how they’re performing in terms of their goals and objectives that you may have set for them, and where they are thoughtful about what feedback they need to deliver for you so that you can support them better, and any other key topics that they want to raise in their one to one.

That gives them the opportunity to come into the room with a well thought out agenda. It gives you the opportunity to really understand what’s going on in their head, to pick up any of those key points that would have come through in that preparation, and then you have the conversation that you need to have. And it helps that person step up.

Really simple, reset what the one to ones are about and put proper preparation in place. This ties closely to the broader theme explored in Mind Your Own Business around developing your people and building a business that is less reliant on you.

Step Three: Do Not Skip the One to Ones

Get them diarised, get them fixed in, and make sure that you plan around it. There’s nothing worse than a line manager bumping a one to one because a customer called or something urgent has happened. It is sacred time. It is important time.

And if you’re trying to grow your business, if you’re trying to develop your people, you cannot afford to bump those meetings or to not run them the way that they need to happen.

The Questions You Need to Ask Yourself Right Now

So what are you going to do about it? Who on your team needs a proper one to one? Who on your team needs to be realigned with what the purpose of the one to ones are? And who in your management team needs to make sure that they are having effective one to ones with the people that report to them, so that the organisation can work well, and that all the day to day issues are kept in huddles and meetings instead of being crept into proper one to ones?

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